So what am I doing exactly?
I'm in an odd space. I feel drained and empty. Is this the normal kind of empty? Or the not so normal? What is normal anyway?
They said that before someone else loves you, you must love yourself first. I'm not sure how I'm doing on that front. I feel better than I used to. I even congratulate myself for my work at times, which is (believe me) something I didn't use to do. I even think I found my own style in clothes. I am expressing myself. Or so I think. But love still eludes me.
I've managed to detach myself a bit from that person. It still hurts, but I'm containing it. I also though I attracted the attention of someone I found interesting. We do not fit, but there is attraction, and I thought I'd just go for it. And when a week before I thought I made some sudden progress, my heart is sinking in. I think I know that he doesn't care, or he would have made some kind of effort. A small glimpse of something. Or have I become too insecure and impatient, that I can't seem to let things take their time.
I cannot see clearly anymore, but I realize day by day, that I want something easier. I would like to succeed now. Make him call me now. Send a small message. A sign. A something. An anything! It's like whatever I'm wearing I'm invisible, or I'm only see by people I don't care about.
I am tired. I am so tired of this. Make it stop. I don't really wanna try that much. I just want him curious about me, as much as I am about him. Is this so much to ask? Really?
// I've stopped watching romantic comedies btw. Seeing them repulses me.
I'm in an odd space. I feel drained and empty. Is this the normal kind of empty? Or the not so normal? What is normal anyway?
They said that before someone else loves you, you must love yourself first. I'm not sure how I'm doing on that front. I feel better than I used to. I even congratulate myself for my work at times, which is (believe me) something I didn't use to do. I even think I found my own style in clothes. I am expressing myself. Or so I think. But love still eludes me.
I've managed to detach myself a bit from that person. It still hurts, but I'm containing it. I also though I attracted the attention of someone I found interesting. We do not fit, but there is attraction, and I thought I'd just go for it. And when a week before I thought I made some sudden progress, my heart is sinking in. I think I know that he doesn't care, or he would have made some kind of effort. A small glimpse of something. Or have I become too insecure and impatient, that I can't seem to let things take their time.
I cannot see clearly anymore, but I realize day by day, that I want something easier. I would like to succeed now. Make him call me now. Send a small message. A sign. A something. An anything! It's like whatever I'm wearing I'm invisible, or I'm only see by people I don't care about.
I am tired. I am so tired of this. Make it stop. I don't really wanna try that much. I just want him curious about me, as much as I am about him. Is this so much to ask? Really?
// I've stopped watching romantic comedies btw. Seeing them repulses me.
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