What is falling in love?

So I sleep, I wake up, I (try to) study, I eat, I laugh in between and then I sleep again. It's a circle, the circle of my life these past few months. There is something nagging me though. Something deep in my chest, a small pain. 

Recently there was a song that I happened upon and the lyrics just stayed with me: 

"How do you fight loneliness? Just smile all the time."

Been in and out of love (or so I thought), mostly by myself. Now that I think of it, I am not sure what romance is. I could give you a definition, but I don't know what it is. But I miss it. I really do. So much.

I thought I was a cynic. People around me will tell you that I am. I think it has to do with my sense of humor basically. Truthfully I've been avoiding spending time alone with myself lately, because I'm afraid that some things that I do not wanna know will come out and drown me. 

I keep trying to maintain a happy composure, following the mantra "you are happy if you believe you are", but I just can't seem to do anything right. When I say right, I mean with enthusiasm. I just lack enthusiasm in anything I do. I keep dragging myself to move on, to go to the gym, to study more, to go out, even to go to sleep. I keep doing it because I fear of what will happen if I do what I truly feel that I desire: hide. Find a hole and hide from the world for a while.

It's been like this, these past years. I suffer not from a broken heart, but from a lonely heart. This is what I've been afraid to admit. I am lonely. I keep searching for someone to make my heart skip a beat again, without breaking it at once this time - is that too much to ask? Am I a romantic? 

I have these chains that keep holding me down. Tell me how do I get rid of them? I wanna try my best for once, really try and just make it. Go abroad, see the world for as long as I can. But I have these chains that ruin my determination and my concentration: loneliness. I'm missing something that is not here, that never was.

So, what is falling in love? Please tell me. I wanna know.