The 2022.

This world is weird and I don't fit in it at all. 

I'm like a passing storm that carries itself in chaos wherever it goes, and messes up a bit the lives of others as it passes through. It creates a dent, a crack, a disruption of everyday life, but nothing more...and then it's gone. This is how I feel.

Many before me have written this but it's true: silence can be deafening. It's been the second week since I've been so alone. I try to be busy, but I feel alone. I sat today on the sofa wandering why do I feel so alone - shouldn't I have gotten used to it by now? But somehow the feeling grows, I carry it around throughout the day, heavy in my heart.

The saddest thing that I realized yesterday was that even though I feel alone, I don't think I know what it feels to be with someone anymore. I try imagining it in my mind to see what I want, but I couldn't. So even if it comes, will I be able to see it? 

These days the mere thought of anyone flirting with me seems ridiculous. And I'm giving out a fake smile as I type these words. But if you want the truth, this is it. Someone texting me, sending me a gift, asking me out for a drink just the two of us. Me, getting ready for a date, the stress, the what-to-wear and what-to-say horror. The will-we-kiss-or-did-I-mess-up question at the end of the date. The date. [insert fake laughter] 

What date? what text? Me? I turn my face to the night sky to breath. The windows are huge. I wanted them huge. I can see the sky but I still can't breathe. There is a pain in my chest, as the clock strikes 3:00 am. I need to sleep, I have work to do. But I still hear the echo in the flat: this is ridiculous.