As usual there is a lot of work I'm supposed to be doing but I'm drowning myself in my coffee instead. My mood swings are still here, and since I can't get rid of them, I decided to write.
I've always said that most of the time I don't feel things. I look at them. I always remember myself feeling like an outsider. Different situations, but the same feeling. The problem with being an outsider is that in fact you don't feel like you actually belong, and the "something's missing" feeling keeps creeping up. All my life I've been battling with myself to understand what am I missing? Why am I always feeling incomplete? I've read a dozen of articles; in one of them I found a comforting idea on the subject. Feeling incomplete is not bad. It means you are constantly pushing your boundaries to explore the world. You are not dissatisfied with your current life, and -contrary to what society wants you to believe- you are not lacking simply because you long for more. This is not depression. It is a call inside that paves the way and makes you evolve. You are a person, you do not live only to eat and bread, so it is natural that you change every minute of the day, and every minute of the day you keep wanting more.
I like that idea in the article and so I'm replicating it. The missing parts are indeed missing and will always be. Not because you are depressed and lacking, but because this is how it's supposed to be. This is living. You like your life, some choices you made were wrong, some where right, and they led you here. Things are not so bad. They are ok. But you want more. That's ok too. The problem I gather is again with society. They guide us into believing that when at some point you should feel complete. And then you will have reached the peek of your lifetime. And then what? Oh, I guess you'd have to settle. The gist of life as I understand it at the moment of writing these lines is that there is not such thing as absolute happiness. There is no such thing; you will always be missing something. So don't feel bad if you feel incomplete. Look for the little, transient things that make you happy at the moment, and expect them to change every day. Just don't give up and give in the misery. Look and enjoy the details. I don't know about the rest of the world, but at least I don't expect you to ever feel complete. I am on your side.
Cheers :)
