Letter to a Stranger

I did love you, I did.

I do not love often I must say. I like watching people going on with their lives, but I rarely feel the need to participate in it.
Truthfully, I am like the audience in a theatre - constantly watching - making a review at the end of the play - but never act myself.

But I did love you, I did.

Always giving pieces of myself, always waiting for something in return. I think I am being punished for being such a distant person. For watching from afar.



And I hate myself. I hate myself for depending so much on you. You're so high, I can't touch you. I try, but I can't.

But I do love you, I do.

Tonight I am depressed. Again. Because of you. Again.
I am tired of applauding. I am tired of watching your play. I saw it too many times. You hire new actors, but never me. You always leave me in the audience.
I need to lead. And since you do not let me play in your theatre, I' ll have to find my own.

The blur in my head about what to do next, is clear actually. I know what I have to do. I know my path. I still can't leave you. It pains me so much. But I will do it. I promise.
By next year, I'll be preparing my applications. And I will go away. From you. From everything.

And though I love you, I do. I'll walk on. This I promise you.

[...]

And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...

Home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one

[...]

Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress-up
All that you scheme...

//If anyone of you is looking for a song to hold on... there it is :)
// U2 - Walk On

Growing old Or Growing up?

Good Morning everyone!
Long time, no see, huh?

Well today the weather is just great; the sun is up, the temperature is at 21 C, no clouds, no wind at all!
I have to say a nice weather always lifts up your mood...

So, yesterday was one of those days...you know: when you feel grumpy, you feel old, and when do not know your purpose in life! You are reaching 25, and while most of your friends are working or continuing their studies or making out anyway, you are ... doing nothing of the above! :P

Hey, hey! Don't be sad now...I feel you! I know what you...hmmm...want? need? Oh God no! I can't help myself, so I do not know what you're supposed to do.

When I get like this, I usually sulk in front of the television till morning. Till the next time... But why so stressed about our age? I think we are actually cruel to our race...you know your life doesn't end at thirty or forty or whatever!
We have so many things to worry about, we should worry about things that are out of our hand.


Are you absolutely certain, that you want to turn back the clock? Do you really wanna go through everything you've learnt, everything you've been through, once again? You can take all your experiences, gather up your courage and move forward instead.

You can't stop time but you can ignore its passing. After all, you are not growing old...you are only growing up!


I quote a little something from a beautiful song of Bryan Adams:

Anyway, I just wanna say
Why bother with what happened yesterday
That's not my style, I live for the minute
If you wanna stay young, get both feet in it

18 'til I die, 18 'til I die
It sure feels good to be alive
Someday I'll be 18 goin' on 55
18 'til I die, oh yeah

For those of you who feel like listening to the song, here it is on youtube also:
Bryan Adams - 18 Till I Die

Have a nice day! :)

We are the Moon!

As I always say, we are like the moon.

When people on earth see the moon, they can identify it, but they can only see half of it. Half of it, is in the light. The other half remains in the shadows. We do that when we are surrounded by people. We show a little of our true selves. The other we hide.



Some might say that there people who are the Sun.
I agree. Some of us, shine brighter than others. Some are strong enough to choose the daylight. But they are still hiding. Even if they are the sun.
The bright part that we see, is only half side of them. The other half, is still unknown.

Anonymity

I'm starting to believe that the great thing about blogging, is not that anyone can have a say in the matters of the world, but that anyone can have a say anonymously in the matters of the world.

Originally I thought about making a debut, where I would discuss serious matters, about the great things that happen around us. As you can see, I've changed my mind.

The trivial things are the ones that matter in life. The small things, the details, all those daily, tiny stuff, that (if added together) could fulfill you or tear you apart, should have a say as well. So, now you know where the name of the blog comes from.
Most of as, talk freely about the serious matters. We have blogs with our names in them, where we speak our mind. In few blogs however, you'll find someone talking about things that trouble him in everyday life. In even fewer, that someone will have his name underneath.
I do not claim to be different. I'm a coward indeed.




That is why, I suggest that you shoud start a blog. An anonymous one. So you can speak your mind clearly. We should all say, what we want to say. It will make you feel better. It will make you think: I matter in this world. That sounds a bit arrogant, but is a feeling that keeps us going!

I have a lot of issues these days. To start, I've been sick all week. That has blown away all my good mood. There are also a number of things [in life and in work] that seem to go to hell. And I can't seem to be in the mood to fight.
To tell you the truth, I do not want to get out of bed. I do it, but my heart's not in it. I've talk about it with a good friend of mine, and he said that it's just a small depression. I am at fault about some things in my life, I do nothing to fix them, and my inner reaction is this.

I sat and thought and I figured he is right. But how fix things when you cannot concentrate?
Well, first things first: You identify the problems, you write them down, then you fix them.

We all have difficult times. So hang in there. Time will heal everything.

What is a Pendulum anyway?

-
Have you ever read the magnificent book of (one of my favorite writers) Umberto Ecco that has the title "Foucault's Pendulum"?
When I fisrt bought the book, what had cought my attention was the title of course. I recognised mr.Foucault's name right away. But, to be completely honest with you, even if I am not considered amongst the clueless people, I couldn't answer the question of 'where does this title come from?'.

I hate being ignorant, so I searched the net, and I found the best site ever that explains vividly and with animation, what is this pendulum and what does Foucault has to do with it. The people behind these [cleverly set] 7 html pages that will explain everything to you, in an excellent way.
So, I will post the link here, and I will leave the rest to them, and to you of course, who are interested in the subject :)!
So, dear all, what is a pendulum anyway??


//oh my, I totally forgot: Happy New Year everyone!! Wish you happiness for 2009!